The Same Cycle Wherever I Go

It was my last semester of grade 12, when I decided to leave. The reason I wanted to leave was because of my parents. They never let me do anything. They would do anything to protect me. I know that their intentions were good, but sometimes it was too much. Sometimes, I felt as though I was suffocating, or, I couldn’t breathe because my parents were always with me, wherever I went. When my friends would come over to visit or when people come over in general,  I always felt my parents watching my every move.  I had no personal space, and no time to do the things that I wanted to do.  Always hovering over my shoulder, constraining me from experiencing things in life that I can learn from. I couldn’t take it anymore, even though their intentions were good, they were too overprotective. So with that, I decided I was going to leave. I had everything planned out. I had a friend that I could stay with in the town next over, so finding a place to stay was easy. I’d find a job to help pay my rent until I can find my own place. Everything seemed to fall into place perfectly at that point.

     I made sure to get good grades so that I can get into the university I wanted. At first, my parents disapproved of me leaving to another town. It took four months to get them to agree with me. I told them my plans and they were on board with it. I remember how happy I was that day. It felt like all my dreams were coming true. I finally felt free of their  restricting grasp .

     Graduation day. The day I was leaving. I was feeling happy, nervous, excited, and scared all at the same time. Saying goodbye to my parents was bittersweet. I hated that I had to leave home and everything I knew but at the same time I was excited to start my new life, free of anything holding me back.

2 months later.

    My life couldn’t be better. I’ve experienced things that I’ve only dreamed of. Everyday a new adventure. I was studying as a psychology major, I had a part-time job that paid my rent and for the things I needed. Everything was perfect until I met him. One day while I was working my morning shift, he walked in and the first thing I noticed was his green eyes. When he looked at me, it was like he was looking into my soul. From that day we talked, we texted, and we met up every weekend. Soon we became joined at the hip. A few months went by, and I moved in with him. That was the worst decision I ever made. It was like living with my parents again. Some nights he would tell me I wasn’t allowed to leave. Everywhere I went he would follow. Sometimes, it would feel like the walls are closing in on me. When we would go out with our friends, sometimes I would catch him watching me from the corner of his eye. The familiar feeling of being smothered had come back. Even though I had experienced things, I still wanted more. Now every night I sit with a blanket draped over my shoulders as I think of everything in my life that held me back from being myself.